What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
All farts...are laughing gas.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
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