"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
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