I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
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