What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Only a**holes use bidets.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”