My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
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