A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
Go to BabaMail
