So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
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