My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.