You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
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