I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
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