I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
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