Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
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