What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
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