A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
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