My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
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