A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.