My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Go to BabaMail
