Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
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