Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
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