Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
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