Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
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