What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!