Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Go big or go gnome.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
You mermake me happy.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
I think you're mer-mazing.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.