What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Go big or go gnome.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
You mermake me happy.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
I think you're mer-mazing.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Go to BabaMail
