Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
You really mermaid my day.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
You are shrimply the best!
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Go big or go gnome.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
I have a bone to pixie with you.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
I love you so fairy much.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
Fairies just wand to have fun.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
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