What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
You mermaid to go far.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
You are shrimply the best!
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Don't fork-get your manners.
I think you're mer-mazing.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
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