Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
We were mermaid for each other.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
You are shrimply the best!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
Call me on the shellphone.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Shell-abrate the good times!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
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