What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
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