What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.