My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Go to BabaMail
