Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
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