Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Go to BabaMail
