A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
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