Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.