What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Go big or go gnome.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
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