How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Go big or go gnome.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
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