What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Go big or go gnome.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Go to BabaMail
