I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Go big or go gnome.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
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