Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…