My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
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