When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I couldn't chair less!