Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Nothing really mattress.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
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