Bed Puns

Got to bed with a good jolly laugh!

My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Nothing really mattress.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
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