I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Nothing really mattress.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
I couldn't chair less!
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
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