What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I couldn't chair less!
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Nothing really mattress.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
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