If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Nothing really mattress.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
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