How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
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