I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I couldn't chair less!
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Nothing really mattress.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.