Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
Nothing really mattress.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
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