The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Nothing really mattress.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
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