Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Nothing really mattress.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
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