It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Nothing really mattress.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
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