Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
Nothing really mattress.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
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