My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I couldn't chair less!
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
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