Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
Nothing really mattress.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I couldn't chair less!
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table