Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I couldn't chair less!
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Nothing really mattress.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
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