My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Nothing really mattress.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned