Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I couldn't chair less!
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.