My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I couldn't chair less!
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
Nothing really mattress.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.