Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
How do you Charlemange-age to get through the last few days before vacation?
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
I'm always really disappointed when I pull up to a yard sale...
And they aren't willing to sell me any of their yards.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
What did the turkey say after Thanksgiving dinner? I'm still stuffed.
What is a frog’s favorite drink on a hot summer day?
Croak-o-cola.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
Go to BabaMail
