Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
How did the blind guy from Denver enjoy a bit of apres skiing on Lookout Mountain during the last white-out?
He brought along his skiing-eye dog.
Purple paper people, purple paper people, purple paper people.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
"Put me in coach."
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
What has 34 legs, 9 heads and 2 arms? Santa Claus and his reindeer.
Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.
The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.
It was a brief case.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
Car puns are really tiring
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
The boot black brought the black boot back.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a person who makes pots?
Harry Potter
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why did the robot decide to go on a summer vacation?
To recharge!
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
Go to BabaMail
