Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What is a lightyear?
The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought
Wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought,
Had been the thought I thought,
I wouldn’t have thought I thought.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
What did the arirst say to his friend who was stressed? Don't worry, paintbrush it off.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Herb your enthusiasm.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
I've invented a machine that prints money.
I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....
It makes no cents.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
I feel like Medusa was in some rocky relationships.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
Teaching babies to walk is hard, but you just have take it one step at a time.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
My counselor gave me a hug today
I guess I got shrinkwrapped
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Go to BabaMail
