How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Girls just wanna have sun.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
"You make me egg-static."
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
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