I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
You snow the drill.
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?
It's Pierre-reviewed.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
What do skiers get if they sit in the snow for too long?
Polaroids!
My friend’s bakery burned down last night.
Now his business is toast.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There were players on the other side.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
What is the most popular flower in France?
Croissanthemums.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
You’re my heartthrob.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
What vehicle does a grammar teacher drive?
A Syllabus.
They say that the cardio system is the work of artery, but it is really just vein.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
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