Remember, Irish puns on St. Patrick's Day don't just shame you. They Seamus all.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What does a volleyball player do when they go to prom? They spike the punch.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
Why did the skeletons form a rock band?
They wanted to “Rattle them bones”!
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
The basketball player sat on the sideline and began sketching pictures of chickens. He was learning how to draw fowls.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Are you a keyboard? Because you are just my type.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
We have a great connection since you’re wifi-material.
"Bone to be wild."
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What’s ET short for?
So he can fit in the spaceship!
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
I have a hiking playlist with songs from the Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
What does Darth Vader say when he plays volleyball? May the spike be with you.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, it's tearrible.
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