"Bone to be wild."
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
When I went to my favorite Irish cafe after years, I felt deja brew all over again.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
What do aliens prefer to drink?
Gravi-tea.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
Once upon a time I was accidentally made a priest.
It was a clerical error.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
This weekend, I will watch a new Irish movie based on a marathon runner who only ate potatoes. It is called Starch Trek.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
I bought my missus an egg-beater for our wedding anniversary.
I knew she wanted me to whisk her away.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
What type of songs do planets sing?
Nep-Tunes.
What do you say when you want to break the ice with someone?
Ice to meet you!
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
If snowmen can’t ride bicycles, tricycles, or unicycles, what can they ride?
Icicles!
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
Go to BabaMail
