Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
"Reti or not, here I come!"
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I’m soy
into you.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
I’m so adjective, I verb noun.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.
I must have left on Data Roman.
What's a chess player's favourite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
Why did the volleyball players like to practice in the library? Their coach said that they’d be doing some reading today.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
You're my purr-son.
What does Cinderella usually wear at the beach?
Glass flippers!
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
A lump of red leather, a red leather lump.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Winter is here, weather you like it or not.
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Shake your shamrocks.
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
He got stuck in Orbit.
In one Fall swoop, it's autumn again!
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
Go to BabaMail
