I found out yesterday that the Mexican dish ghosts like the most is a boo-ritto.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
Where do astronauts go for lunch?
Apollo Loco.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
I thought my ballet-themed body art was unique
But then I saw someone who had a tutu tattoo, too.
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
Well, there are mixed reviews. People say the food is great. But there is no atmosphere or ambience.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
I love you meow and forever.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
Why do people in Greece not wake up until noon?
Because Dawn is tough on greece.
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