What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
What’s Irish and comes out in the spring?
Paddy O’Furniture.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Scissors sizzle, thistles sizzle.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
What do you call someone who lost her Marital arts tournament?
Divorced.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.
What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.
They were Wright.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
“I am hungary.”
“Maybe you should czech the fridge.”
“I’m russian to the kitchen.”
“Is there any turkey?”
“We have some, but it’s covered in greece”
“ew, there’s norway I’d eat that!”
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
What do we call the basketball team that won the donuts championships? – dunkin donuts.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.
The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
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