Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
I like playing chess with old people in the park, but it gets hard to find 32 of them each time.
Flying for long distances is very Boeing at times
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
The nurse in the hospital gave me an entire crate of the wrong medicine AND it was outdated! I almost died!
I got a bad case of poison I.V.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Are you squiding me right now?
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike?
In a big footlocker.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
Is that the Dog star? You can’t be Sirius!
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
New electric trains will run on conductors.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
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