Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?
The Bartender.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
But wait—there’s myrrh.
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Me me mo mi get me a mole,
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Fe me mo mi get me a mole,
Mister kister feet so sweet,
Mister kister where will I eat !?
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What do you call a Belgian who's bad at grammar?
An twerp.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What did the icy road say to the car?
“Want to go for a spin?”
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
“I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.”
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
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