What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Me me mo mi get me a mole,
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Fe me mo mi get me a mole,
Mister kister feet so sweet,
Mister kister where will I eat !?
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
You have a pizza my heart.
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I love you berry much.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry
Me: It’s a sacrifice to the dryer gods.
My dad: It’s a sockrifice.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What will a space turkey say to another one? Hubble Hubble.
I've been thinking of U periodically.
Pirates Private Property.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
What did Michael Jackson say to his chess opponent?
“It don’t matter if you’re black or white.”
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
It’s worth a shot.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
I told my friend that our old school friend is coming to attend St Patrick's feast. She was surprised. She asked, "O'Reilly?"
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
My favorite denim blue jeans just turned brown. I think I will have to call it Dung-arees!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
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