There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
It’s worth a shot.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
I told my friend that our old school friend is coming to attend St Patrick's feast. She was surprised. She asked, "O'Reilly?"
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
My favorite denim blue jeans just turned brown. I think I will have to call it Dung-arees!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.
But apparently, you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
What’s so great about whiteboards?
If you think about it, they’re pretty re-markable!
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What do you give prisoners for dessert? Jaily-Beans.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
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