What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Mooning is very ASStrological
What do you call the Halloween costume contest winner? Mummy of the year.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
Shake it like a pole-oriod picture.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
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