What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
What is a tornado's favorite Elton John song? Candle in the Wind!
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
"What an egg-citing day."
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
What do you call the story of a poor witch that just became a millionaire?
Rags to witches story.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital
Her husband named the kid Carson.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
Where do aliens park their flying saucers?
At a parking meteor.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
I find you very a-peeling.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
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