What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
Your good weed for the day.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
We like to paddy.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Cheesy Valentines Day Sayings
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
The basic rule in the bowling game is to ensure you leave no pin standing.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
“Remember not to leave a fire burning in your fireplace this Christmas Eve, or else you might wake up to a Crisp Kringle.”
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
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