I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
When the ghost watched a sad movie he started boo-hooing.
Do you know how to dunk cookies? Ask a basketball chef.
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.
A man has found water while digging in his backyard. For many years, he used the water at home saving tons of money until one day, the water stopped flowing. So he dug a little bit further and found water again and used it for years until it also dried up. This time, he went further, brought a digging machine, and dug a deeper hole until he found water.
Neighbors, annoyed by the noise, called the local sheriff who arrives to check what was happening in the backyard. The sheriff discovering the scene in the backyard says:
"Well, well, well ... What have we got here?"
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What is a cyclops' favorite winter activity?
Sking. That's like skiing, but only with one eye.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Get in the swim this summer.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
How do you tell someone winter is over?
You spring it on them!
Fresh fried fish,
Fish fresh fried,
Fried fish fresh,
Fish fried fresh.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
Deep sea diving is so dangerous.
I just can’t fathom it.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
It's ice to meet you.
Why are volcanos so nice?
They lava you.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Who does a witch call for help with computer problems?
Hex Support!
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
When you cross a plane and a snake, you will end up with a Boeing Constrictor.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
What a spud muffin.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?
Penne Lane.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
He was declared to be in Seine.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
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