Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
How was the lepre-con caught?
By an under-clover police officer!
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
People often accuse me of “stealing other’s jokes” and being “a plagiarist.”
Their words, not mine.
“What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa’s Workshop? A rebel without a Claus.”
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
Why did the blonde run backward?
She wanted to gain weight.
I find you very a-peeling.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
Why were the melon lovers sad?
Because they cantaloupe.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
So I called her Bluff.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Footballers love one specific type of tea; penal-tea.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
We like rough sets. As long as you practice safe sets, there isn’t a problem.
When autumn arrives, the evergreen tree asked the deciduous tree, "Leafing so soon?'
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
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