England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
What’s the best meal to eat in an igloo?
Brr-eakfast!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
If it ain’t brogue, don’t fix it.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
Fresh fried fish,
Fish fresh fried,
Fried fish fresh,
Fish fried fresh.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
My professor accused me of plagiarizing.
His words, not mine.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised.
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” She asked, pointing to a word on the page.
“Si, está.”
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
What do you call a ghost of a man with a broken leg? A hobblin’ goblin.
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks “where’d you get that?” And the frog says “in France. There’s loads of them.”
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
What did the painter say to his wife? "I love you with all my art!"
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
People often stare at my back-alley cosmetic surgery to remove half of my brain...
I have half a mind to tell them where to go.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
"Eggs-cuse me."
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
Go to BabaMail
