When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
I would tell a time travel joke,
but you didn't like it.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Why can't basketball players go on vacation?
They aren't allowed to travel.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
It’s the most wonderful time of the beer.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
I only like smooth leather
and my opinion will never be suede.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Go to BabaMail
