A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Why shouldn't you mess with Santa? Because he has a black belt.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
When your putt lips out, what disease do you have?
Liprocy.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
"Dying to have fun."
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Blackboards love drinking beverages, especially hot white chalk-olate!
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Basketball players at times get athletes foot. Come to think of it, it is like the missle toe astronauts get.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Ireland is a little lamb-boyant.
"Read between the wines."
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
He was declared to be in Seine.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
What is the first time that a volleyball match was talked about in the Bible? When Joseph served in the Pharaoh’s court.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
We have great chemis-tree.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
"For peep's sake."
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
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