How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
TV news anchors love the shades of red. They get serious whenever there is Burgundy.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
The scientist time travels between summer and winter using his autumn-mobile!
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
You have a pizza my heart.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
We pass expectations, set the standards and kill the competition. This is definitely one of the best volleyball puns to use as your team’s motto.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
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