Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
How was the lepre-con caught?
By an under-clover police officer!
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
The snowman's favorite side dish is iceberg salad.
Ireland you money, if you’ll pay me back.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
Scrambled eggs are similar to a losing basketball team because both are beaten.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Why did the fish cross the road? Cause it was hooked!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
What did the artist say to his old friend? Let's clay in touch.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
I yam what I yam.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Go to BabaMail
