What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What sort of lights were on Noah’s Ark?
Flood lights.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
Where do chess grandmasters keep their pet snakes?
In a chesst.
Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
It's foolish for humans to try and take back the planet of the apes
Since they are incredibly good at gorilla warfare.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Your presents is requested.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
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