What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
How did the beaver build the insides of a dam using logs? He logged in.
Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What is a koala’s favorite pop singer? Koala Rae Jepsen. Her most popular song? “Koala Me Maybe”.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
If you photograph your pimples, is zit art?
How do you leave any building in Spain?
You "follow salida lida lida..."
Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?
Camelmile
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
How do flowers kiss?
With their tulips
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
Why were the melon lovers sad?
Because they cantaloupe.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Whatever floats your goat.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
What do you call a big Irish spider?
A Paddy long legs.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
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