What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Why do old artists never die? They just withdraw.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
How would you be able to prevent a summer cold?
Catch it in the winter!
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
If you photograph your pimples, is zit art?
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor?
Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
Stop looking for the perfect match..
Use a lighter!
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.
I have to make every second Count.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What did one werewolf say when he saw his friend?
- Howl’s it going?
My first date with an Emergency department nurse was a casual tea.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
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