What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?
Juan on Juan!
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
If an astronaut steps on chewing gum then what will happen to him? He will simply be stuck on the Orbit.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
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