my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
What did the painter say to the wall? Another crack like that and I'll have to plaster you!
“URINE: opposite of ‘you’re out.'”
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
How do you greet a five-headed ghoul?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
I was gonna walk barefoot through the yard.
But that would cause an ecological crisis.
I guess you can say my misunderstanding of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles
Elbow.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas
The police verdict? Hummuscide.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike?
In a big footlocker.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
It was mitten in the stars.
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