What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
I love when you coddle me.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
Serve up some Dad Jokes at your Father's Day BBQ
Make 'em eat Pop-Corn
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?
Sight unseen.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
Did you hear about the famous Spanish streaker?
Senor Willy.
Here today, lepre-gone tomorrow.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
If you get married out on sea or in a boat...
is that a row-mance?
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist? He no longer believed in himself.
Octopus ocular optics.
Why is Frankenstein’s monster so popular?
He’s a real people person.
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B!
Why did the girl decide to become an art dealer? Because she wanted more Monet.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
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